The 13calog of the Genius Trader: why stop at 10 when you’re a genius?
1. There are No "Signals" in Trading: The only "signal" you’ll get is when your bank account starts to shrink faster than the speed of light, indicating it's time to cry into your coffee.
2. No Such Thing as Inefficiencies: The only inefficiency is your brain, which is clearly still trying to outsmart market makers' algos, who can out-trade you faster than you can find the 'buy' button on your trading app!
3. Indicators: Are just history books. Using dead data to predict the future is like asking your grandma for stock tips. Trust them as much as you trust your ex's 'I'm sorry' texts!
4. Stop Loss Orders Don’t Stop Squat: Just like your gym membership! They promise to save you but will only lead you to a long sequence of losses that hits harder than leg day. And we know how that feels!
5. Corrections: Are just market fables. There are no corrections, just the market’s way of saying, “Oops, my bad!” It’s almost as if the market is apologizing for your trading decisions. #SorryNotSorry
6. Market Data is an effect of market-making algo, not a cause for anything. If you think market data will give you an edge, you might as well be listening to the sound of your own voice to guide your trades. Remember, your voice has zero predictive power!
7. Machine Learning? Change pusher. There is nothing to "learn" from market data. Sure, it’s fun to think about but fundamentally flawed. Just like opening your fridge hoping for inspiration — you’re going to end up with nothing but a sad story about leftovers!
8. News? The only news you should concern yourself with is the latest Netflix release schedule — let’s be real, you’re not here for smart trading decisions. Wherever the market is driven, they will always find a matching news.
9. "Expert" Advice is Just a Paid Opinion. Find a better pimp. Following so-called experts is like trusting a map drawn by a blindfolded monkey, guided by sheep. But hey, at least you’ll get *something* out of it — mostly losses.
10. Chasing Trends is Like an Ant Thinking It’s Climbing Everest, Only to Realize It’s a Speed Bump on a Walmart Parking Lot. Zoom out
and it’s just a hill of disappointment!
11. Waiting for the Right Moment: If you think you’re waiting for the right moment to trade, the market might just be waiting for you to realize that moment will never come! There’s no such thing as the right time!
12. Sharpe ratio? That’s what the not-so-sharp managers ask for! Let’s call it the "Dull" ratio. Why? Because chasing those super-linear returns often leads to infinite losses. And using good volatility in the denominator is complete nonsense. Next time, don't pretend you understand variance, because you don't; you're just parroting what you heard, assuming it makes you look intelligent.
13. Unlucky number for you! If you're still here and not printing money, you might as well be trading Monopoly money! At least with Monopoly, you get to pass “Go” and collect $200. Here? You’re just collecting tears and crying into your empty wallet. :-)